Hello again

Hey everyone, it’s…been a while. Close to 3 years, if I recall, since my last blog entry. For those that are new: I’m Emilia, and I started this site to talk about the things I like and care about, free from the burden of a 280 character tweet. These days that’s mostly games, books, anime, movies, miscellaneous tech topics, and occasionally politics. I tend to ramble on (I’m doing it now…) so may as well have my own space to do that whenever I feel like it, under my complete control.

You might notice that this is the earliest post on the blog. I deleted everything before this. I have backups of them, of course, but I probably won’t be republishing anything, for a few reasons. Several of those posts contained personal information that I’m no longer comfortable sharing: one was a copy-paste of a pretty personal assignment I did for my English 101 in college, and another was the email that I sent to my own family when I came out as trans. I thought reading it would help people, maybe it did. Maybe it still would. I’m not going to take the risk, given how it being public could impact my professional career. As for the rest of them, they suffered from the classic creative problem of seeing your own old work and cringing so hard you want it all erased. Most of them were just plain boring, too short to make any real points, and the topics so broad yet niche, that I don’t know what I thought I could accomplish by posting them. I’m only one person, and as I’ve done with so many personal projects over my life, I overextended, had grand ambitions, and burned out, all in the course of a few weeks. Such is the life of my autistic brain. -_-

Why come back now? Well, mainly the seemingly never-ending pandemic and desperately needing something productive to occupy my brain to distract from the lonely existence. It’s funny, when I was 18 I alway complained vocally about how lonely I was after having declined all contact with high school friends after graduation so as not to come out to them. If only I knew, not only is whining like that not exactly an effective way to attract new friends (it led to some…uncomfortable interactions, don’t ask), but there was something coming down the pipe that would make all of us more lonely than we’ve ever been. Socially anxious and Discord dysfunctional as ever, I’ve been mainly filling the void and counteracting the soul-sucking experience of being ripped from my college life and stuck in my parents’ basement in remote suburbia at 21 due to circumstances beyond my control, with TV, games, and about 300% too much screen time. And I’ve got new thoughts about those things, as well as a lot more writing and research experience.

Here’s what you can expect from me in the future. I am NOT making any kind of publishing schedule, at least for now. That was what burned me out last time: thinking I had to be professional right from the get-go and put out 2-3 new posts a week, just because I wanted a Patreon and you’ve gotta be regular for that kind of monetization. I have less free time now, and it’s only going to get worse in the coming months and years. This time, I will be writing for myself first, and if others come to read this, that’s great too. I think this is the healthier way to approach creativity, anyway. I still plan to make a Ko-fi or some other way to toss me a buck or two for my work, but I have some…transition-related paperwork to handle before I can publish that, and even then, totally optional. I have no current plans to put any posts behind a paywall. That’s because the things I will be making here are going to be pretty experimental. It’s a library, constantly growing and changing, but always well-organized. As I write this I have a few ideas for essays about games, animation and mental health. Maybe I’ll expand into short story writing, or Twitch streaming (I…may have an idea for a VTuber-style character, and related worldbuilding universe that would go here). Maybe someday I’ll even try my hand at adapting my writing to video essays or podcasts, for greater accessibility. The door is wide open (and besides, I already bought the paid WordPress plan. You bet I’m going to do something with it). So be sure to follow me here, and on my Twitter @emi_abo for the latest!

Till next time,